Last
night in my dreams there were two instances of great sacrifice being given for
great love, the body of each man became the torment of many enduring this for
the sake of the greater good, loving enough to pay the ultimate price.
Then I
was faced with the question of my desire for Truth or my desire to be
loved. I awoke - half awake - speaking the word TRUTH, my choice made.
Tears
flowing I asked if this was then my lot, to live without that great love that
my heart so desired, and there was no answer but I had chosen and would not
recant. I desire Truth above all else and always will.
Then I
thought of the sacrifice that must be made for love - that perhaps my love must
be sacrificed for the greater good? I asked Father is it so?
But
then no, Jesus gave that price and no other is required or needed. I
believe that His sacrifice was enough. Am I being tried? Is my love
being asked of me like Abraham’s sacrifice of his son?
Does
it matter? If I am willing to forgo God’s will for my own what good is
it?
Sadness
looms because I catch a glimpse of myself living that life with my choice made
for self rather than God, unsatisfactory, sad, and unfulfilled still.
There is nothing I can do that will bring peace than the choosing of Truth.
So peace came, unsettled but peace. I do not
know if this is of God or not. I slept little but without the drugs and I
knew that I must detox in order to hear God’s voice in my dreams.
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