Yesterday was Valentine's Day

It was Gabriel's first one.

He was my valentine.

He felt no pressure to make me happy, I'm sure.

It was all good.

I've thought about how we do this thing to each other.  We put them in a place that says they are great, and they meet needs, and feed our souls and hearts, and make us happy.  It can be our lover, best friend, family, etc. whoever we hold in esteem.  And I realized that in a way we are not just acknowledging their worth in our lives, but we're also kind of putting them into bondage.  Especially if they are not whole...

If I think too highly of someone I wonder if they feel pressure to live up to that level?  I know that is not what is intended from my part, but I also know that for some that's how it may come across.

My BFF Tracy is such a beautiful person.  Inside and out.  She is lovely, feminine, sexy, regal, honorable, precious, and utterly lovable   She apparently has not known this most of her life.  Today she told me that I have spoken those things over her (in so many words) and I see that she is blossoming.  She is beginning to walk in them as she truly is.  She has spoken these things into my life as well.  

Both of us had believed the lies we'd been led to believe from our past.  So for us, it's not pressure to live up to something, but the key to freedom.  Our eyes opening to what is Truth about us.

I guess if a person was dependent on others for their self worth then it might be different.

But none of us is responsible for how another person feels.  Not in the way we've been believing.

I choose to allow the good and the bad into my heart.  I choose my reactions to it.  I choose if I believe it or not.

Jesus calls me his beloved and tells me that he loves me with an everlasting love.  It has taken me many many years to come to truly believe this.  He has been here waiting all along.  I do not feel pressure to perform for him any longer.  Because the truth is that he made me, just the way I am, allowed my life to be the way it has been, forming me into the woman I have become.  None of it was by accident, nothing has slipped by him along the way without his awareness.  The enemy has tried to squash my heart but Jesus turned it all for good.  I am glad.  It brought me to here, today, knowing complete love and acceptance.  I am not ashamed for who I am.  I do not have an impossible standard to live up to in order to be loved.  This is true freedom.

And by the same token, I am now able to allow others to be who they are, love them as they are, see the beauty in who Jesus has made them to be.

The pressure is off of me completely, and on Jesus.

Good news!  He can handle it!

So when I say you are beautiful, I'm looking through eyes that have learned that beauty is truth and love combined in a person bringing out the essence of who they were made to be.

I am certainly blessed.

I've caught the wind.

I thought of a song the other day, one that I'd listened to endlessly as a teenager but had not thought about for many years.  Bob Dylan - the bard of our age - writing out in lyrics what my generation was feeling.  Catch the Wind was one such song.

In the chilly hours and minutes of uncertainty,
I want to be in the warm heart of your loving mind.
To feel you all around me,
And to take your hand along the sand,
Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind.

When sundown pales the sky,
I want to hide a while behind your smile,
And everywhere I look your eyes I find.
For me to love you now, would be the sweetest thing,
T'would make me sing,
Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind.

When rain has hung the leaves with tears,
I want you near, to kill my fears,
To help me to leave all my blues behind.
Standing in your heart is where I want to be
And long to be,
Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind.

Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind.

In those few lines he captured our angst, our loneliness, our desire to belong, our awareness that the life we had was not enough.

Our generation was bottle fed, mass produced, Dr. Spock raised, and together we were alone.

We rebelled against the Status Quo, plastic people, society, our parents religion, and 'the man'.

We burned our bras, experimented with endless substances, got naked, had sex unlimited, grew our hair, became hippies or flower children or joined a commune, sat in coffee shops all night debating the state of our world and trying to find answers for the cure.  All in an effort to find ourselves.
It was a legitimate cause, for we were lost.

In the end we've pretty much all joined society and become our parents in spite of our resolve to the contrary.  And still we find ourselves alone.

Some of us became Jesus Freaks though and began our search for meaning in the Truth with him.

Long long years later still searching many have settled, but a few of us have found what we're looking for.

I've caught the wind.

Jesus has led me through my life step by step towards himself with a deft hand and an understanding heart, lovingly and patiently until I finally found that I belong.  

I'm not alone.  

I am loved.

He sings me love songs.

I am on his mind and in his heart at all times, and he is mine as well.

He is not my parents' Jesus.

He is mine.  

A real person.  

A real God.  

A real lover and friend and husband and rescuer of my heart.