This is from today's devo by John Eldredge of RHM - out of the book Desire:

Flip with me for a moment through the photo album of your heart, and collect a few of your most treasured memories. Recall a time in your life when you felt really special, a time when you knew you were loved. The day you got engaged perhaps. Or a childhood Christmas. Maybe a time with your grandparents. 

The first time I read that I was floored

I had NO time to recall when I felt really special and knew that I was loveduntil I went through the transformation with the RHM books...

And it was difficult to read that back then, but now as I read it again it's wonderfulIt used to be that I was hopeless and felt so alone and disconnected and worthless.Not so any more!

I am loved

I belong

I am cherished

Just as I am

I was made to be ME, and I am good enough, not a mistake, not a work in progressI am loved and I belong just as I am, on purpose

Not as an, oh I’ll include you too I guess

But instead as an, I CHOOSE YOU just as you are because I made you to be just as you are and who you are and I want you on purpose

 Now I can recall many moments in my life that are treasured memories, when I felt really special and when I knew I was loved. 

  Thank you Jesus for making me – for loving me – and for giving me the hope and purpose and belonging that I have now.

Thank You

It's been a while since I have added anything here.

Life has been busy keeping me busy!

I am settled (pretty much) into my new house

I've gotten another puppy - Hope.

I've been able to be in my grandson's life often

I've bought a new car

I have been living my life.

Jesus however remains my center, my core, my connection to what is possible.

I had a strange dream the other day and I know that my Father was speaking to me through it.

We are so much less than what we were intended to be, yet we need to be encouraged - because we are all growing towards just that.

My life is so much the same and yet my heart remains held tight to the source of life.

It is no longer a matter of fighting to get somewhere, something, someone, or against what used to seem like an overwhelming enemy.  He is not in control.  I am not in control.  

My Father is in control.  And I welcome all that He has for me.

I glory in the love he has showered down on me and the continuous adoration that I am aware of now.

What can be of greater value?

Just making a note here to document the joy, peace, and freedom that have become my life.

Old struggles still rear their ugly heads, but my perspective has drastically changed and I have no fear.

I continue to head right into the melee in full knowledge and understanding of who I am and who's I am.

Father thank you for my life.

I heard a song on the radio this morning.

Christian music can be wonderful or sometimes a bit misleading.

She was singing about how many times that she had asked for her pain to be relieved. Saying that she had asked in a thousand different ways to have the burden lifted, and asking again for Jesus to fix the problem.

All I could think was - He already has.

It's a little strange to me that after all these thousands of years that we've forgotten who Jesus said we are and what He said we were to be.  Of course I'm not laying blame because we all get lost in life and lose sight of the thing most dear.  Hmmmmm. That's a very sad statement.

The song changed and I lost my train of thought until I listened to the Killing Lions 8 video.  These are great and thought provoking as well as comforting and challenging.

Seems that life is a disappointment to most of us. Young men coming of age are asking where life will lead them and why they are not handed the silver spoon that seemed to be promised all through their school years.

Then through the counsel of an older friend they come to the conclusion that this is something they have to pay dues for.  The world does not owe them anything.  Nothing is going to be handed to them.

His conclusion was that he should not let go of his dreams just because it is hard now, but to know that he's in training and it will take time for him to walk into being the man that God created him to be.

Good wisdom.

And I thought about that song this morning.  Aren't we all in training?  Aren't we all supposed to put in the time and work to become the people that God intended for us to be?  For my part I realize that this past few months where it has seemed so dry and desolate in my heart, it's been training.  It's been part of the plan all along.  I must learn to live by faith.  I must.  Else how am I to be His hands and feet, His heart to others?  If I stumble and fall at the first obstacle in my path and give up what does that say of Him?

Didn't he give us the earth to subdue and rule?  And when we gave it away so easily, didn't he come rescue it back for us and give it to us again, along with the example of how to subdue and rule?  I think so.  Life here on this planet is supposed to be under our reign.  Our physical existence is supposed to line up with our spiritual lives.  We were made to be in charge of our lives under His direction.  So far our surrender to the enemy in all his forms has been the norm.

It is time to embrace the training time, time to relish the lessons of becoming leaders and rulers.  Time to step into our roles and become the princes and princesses that He made us to be. 

What else will the world respond to if not the very same - and more - as He said that He Himself did.  When will we raise the dead?  When will we move these mountains that are before us?  When will we restore sight to the blind, set the captives free, and proclaim the year of the Lord is here?

At the end of the song she simply said thank you for being with me through my troubles.

Yes He is with us always.  But I can see him in my mind's eye with his heart broken because we have settled for life to be driving us rather than the other way around.

Open our eyes Jesus.  Open our hearts.  Give us the courage to live as you lived in the fullness of the connection to the Father with power and wisdom and unyielding love.

Something is brewing

I’m a hungry woman

I’ve been self-medicating for years

A lot of us have

It’s like an addict

Or someone with another disorder..

We are low on serotonin and we reach for the easiest available source – food. 

Some reach for other things.  It’s the same situation, we are hungry.

Our brains tell us we need, our bodies tell us we need, our souls cry out that we need.  We are hungry.

We want to be fulfilled.  We are exhausted from giving out and giving and giving.

We have given our bodies to the lives of our families.  Sacrificed our looks, our figures, our sleep, our mental capacities, our nerves.  We have premature gray hair and wrinkles along with our zits and as we nurse our children we long for a relaxing day at the beach or a sauna or in the woods or somewhere that no one is calling out our names demanding yet more of our precious little reserves of energy and patience (if any is left).  But at the same time we cannot stand the idea of being away from those we love. Insanity.

We know deep down that we cannot look to our spouses to fill this in us but out of desperation we still try.

We look to our friends.  We look to our parents, children, clergy, bar tender, doctor, personal trainer, counselor, anyone willing to spend any time on us.

We are hungry women.

I am a hungry woman.

Stacie said it and it’s been brewing in me and marinating and drawing my mind towards some conclusion.

I’m not quite there yet. 

And the obvious answer (which I’m sorry to say sounds contrite and pat and far less than helpful) is that we need God.

Well.  That is the truth. As difficult as it is to swallow, it’s true.

It’s not that simple, yet it’s that easy.

The problem is in how I have taken it in the past. 

I do not like religion.  It is stifling and punishing and degrading and confining to me and my spirit rebels at it in any form. 

I yearn for the intimate relationship that religion has become the imposter of with an Abba God who David could bear his soul with. 

I’ve longed to have no barriers between us, me and my creator.  No veil, no hidden agenda, no working to be good enough, no pretense of being good enough, no denying who I am or who I desire to be.

He is there.  I know it.  I’ve tasted of his love and it is good.   Soooooo good!

My heart knows Him.  We are connected and I have heard his voice whispering to me in the quiet of my soul.

How then can I sit here hungry and numb again?

I do not know.

Jesus draw me deeper.

Fill this voracious appetite of mine with yourself.

I cannot quell it with anything else.

I also cannot deny it any longer.

I am hungry.

I am famished.

I am stuffed full of all the wrong things yet cannot stop reaching for more.

Fill me Jesus.

Isn’t it interesting that our very makeup, our DNA was created in a way as to draw us to, drive us to, urge us to seek to be filled and the only true sating of that desire is Jesus.

My love

You are the heart of my heart

I will not let you go

I cannot

You are part of me

You are the expression of who I am

I made you perfectly

You've spent too long in the darkness

Feeling lost and alone

But I was never far

I waited for you to see me

Hear my cries for you

Reach out to take my hand

Come to where you belong

And at last you came

Together we will continue your journey

It will lead you into my arms

I will bring you through the storms

I will protect you

I will heal you

I will provide for you

I am your shelter and strength

And you are not alone

I have such delights planned for us together

I have freedom for your heart

From those old wounds

From the attacks

Freedom to be who I intended you to be

We are on our way

You and I together

I have your heart and I will care for it

I will never leave you

You are mine

And I am yours.

Conversation - Jesus came to set us free, show us how to be in the connection and live like we were meant to live.

guess what

you know that Jesus lived here as a human

not in his Deity

you know that, right?

he lived as we are capable of living

and I’ve often wondered how he did that

no bad thoughts or actions

no jealousy, fear, etc

and it hit me this morning on the way to work

because he lived from his connection to the Father

he left his Deity behind in heaven and came as a human, lived as a normal human but he had the connection already

and all of his life was lived there

from that connection

and

it shows us that we can too!

not that we do it from the outside in

but from the inside out

from that connection to God

and Jesus said, greater things we will do

all of what he did was what is possible for us to do

because he was just like us

and we, now that we are connected, are just like he was when he was here!

!!!!!

Cheryl

wonderful revelation!

Jeanne

yes!

Cheryl

yes, I knew he left his Deity there ...

Jeanne

you got me thinking of that when you were talking about him being God

Cheryl

these things I do, you can do also

Jeanne

Yes and he is God

Cheryl

yes

Jeanne

but he laid it aside and humbled himself

Cheryl

because he loves us

Jeanne

became just like us so that we could see the Father

so that we could know His true heart

Cheryl

but I truly believe he meant .. I can't remember which verse it is ..

Jeanne

and so that we could see that it is possible to live from the connection

Cheryl

but when he said if we had the faith of a mustard seed we could tell a mountain to move, and it would

Jeanne

Yes and that's what is true

knowing that we have this power

it's for God's glory

it's to demonstrate His love

and to show others that it is possible to live from the connection

Cheryl

yes, and until we are fully connected, there is no way I would extend that kind of power to a human being

Jeanne

quite a lot of trust on His part eh?

Cheryl

smart beyond my comprehension

Jeanne

ha

yes

Cheryl

I’ll show you

you'll spend your life trying to understand

think about it ... why did folks live to be 900 ?

Jeanne

ha!

well that's because we were never meant to die

Cheryl

I think it would take that long to gain that kind of wisdom to not use his power for harm ...

Jeanne

he did not make us to die

no, I don't

I think living from the connection we know it's a heart matter

it's because of love that we have all of this

Cheryl

can you imagine what that is going to feel like?

when I get there.

you know?

Jeanne

so the ones who know that love are not going to misuse it

hahaha we're there Cheryl - we have to learn how to flex these muscles

Cheryl

I’m still a work in progress. I know that. I’m trying trying trying to walk

Jeanne

Jesus shakes his head, saying oh you of little faith

Cheryl

yep

hahahaha

Jeanne

hahaha

and I can see him

Cheryl

my faith is HUGE

Jeanne

that scene where they came back and said we could not cast out this particular demon

Cheryl

it is my everything because it is my Lord

Jeanne

and Jesus shook his head and said that

then he said it's because this kind requires prayer and fasting

meaning, connection, and the removal of distractions

Cheryl

all of those scenes where demons recognized him ...

Jeanne

strong connection and no distractions

Cheryl

they didn't recognize Jesus the Man, they knew he was God

Jeanne

and I was thinking Jesus had no distractions

no family to take care of

no house to maintain

no possessions

he simply lived

and we have that disadvantage now

Cheryl

connection

plug in

Jeanne

because we have to spend our time maintaining our lifestyle

which I do not believe was God's intention

we were meant to live in community supporting each other

Cheryl

yes, me too

Jeanne

being connected to God and to each other

Cheryl

I think he meant, if you have something, give it away

Jeanne

the two "Love's"

Cheryl

rely on him completely

Jeanne

yes

exactly

Cheryl

Love is the Lesson

Jeanne

I think they recognized Jesus the man

Cheryl

I have always known that

Jeanne

I think that we have the same as Jesus had

the connection to God

to the love

to the power of that love

we are rulers

we are not the servants

and demons recognize that

which is why they try to torment us

God made us in His image

Cheryl

It's just casting away all the layers of ... crap ... for lack of a better word

Jeanne

yes

Cheryl

that we heap on ourselves when our hearts get broken so early on

Jeanne

and the more connection we live from the less crap we have to handle

Cheryl

yes

rise, shine

Jeanne

I recognize that the first step is to have hearts healed

and that's the key

Cheryl

it MEANS something

Jeanne

Yes, you know - all the fixing we want to do

that needs to be the focus

Cheryl

goes back to the arrows

Jeanne

the hearts

Cheryl

thank you John E

Jeanne

not the body

not the finances

or comfort

it's the heart

that's what got us, right?

Cheryl

I pray that now all the time. Please heal our hearts, Lord

Jeanne

when we realized our hearts are the key

Cheryl

yes

Jeanne

oh Cheryl

that's our mission

Cheryl

and I KNOW when he's tugging on an arrow

Jeanne

presenting Him that way

you can have your heart healed

you can be whole

Cheryl

it's not falling into that hole and hiding

oh yes!

Jeanne

yes

so excited about that

to always remember that is the key

because we could get all caught up in 'fixing' the other things

which is not what we are meant to do

and you know Jesus was almost reluctant to heal sometimes, and that is why

it's because he knew

Cheryl

I have a test coming up

and it's bizarre, cuz I feel the Holy Spirit right here with me, assuring me

comforting me

tomorrow is the day Brandy died

Jeanne

ohhhhh

yes He is here with you

Cheryl

and I am not going to relive that horrible morning

Jeanne

no

Cheryl

I am going to celebrate that day as the day she got to go home

Jeanne

you can celebrate the day she was set free of her torment and went to be with the Love

ha

Cheryl

hahahah

Jeanne

thank you Jesus

we should have a party

Cheryl

this is a big one.

Jeanne

love love love to see all the growth in you my friend!

Cheryl

and I have to live it

if I believe

Jeanne

it's either true or it's not

Cheryl

I have to live in that

exactly

Jeanne

and we both know it's true

so we have to live there

Cheryl

there are no gray areas

that’s the lies of demons

Jeanne

and please please please stop saying you are not there yet

that's a lie

Cheryl

Grandma, Good always wins

Jeanne

you are exactly where you are supposed to be

yes

Cheryl

yes, Aislyn, you are right

Jeanne

God always wins

and He is Love!

the greatest power

Cheryl

that song that I love so much right now ...

then you say to me Son, stop fighting a fight that’s already been won ....

that battle IS won

Jeanne

yes

indeed

and we are on the right side

love always wins

Jeanne

As William Gurnall said, "It is the image of God reflected in you that so enrages hell; it is this at which the demons hurl their mightiest weapons."

hmmmm

something I just said I believe?

Cheryl

yes!