And today it is
gone.
And so here it is again, I feel alone
I cry out for the warmth of Your presence
I weep for the loss of it
I am seeking where I have sinned and closed myself from
You.
But there is a difference now in this lone-ness
Feelings are not what I worship
Though I am energized and swept up in them
It is God and God alone that I will follow
If He leads me back into the desert
I will follow
One foot at a time
I go
My heart is often my betrayer
Seeking joy and seeking love
But I do not worship joy
I do not worship love, save the Love that is Christ
Search me Oh Lord and cleans me
Show me the iniquity within my soul
Cleanse me of all that is not You
I do not want any other
If I walk, if I walk alone, but with You Lord
If I am blinded, I am blinded to all but You Jesus
If I am deaf, then all I hear is You my Savior
If I am dumb, then let only Christ speak in my stead.
Jeanne!
Just STOP it!
So my heart, my heart that betrays me. How Lord shall
I know what is a God-desire verses the lust of my flesh? How can I decide
what I am allowed to hope for? The Word is my standard. The Holy
Spirit confirmation in my spirit, that what he has placed in me, my nature, my
makeup is to desire a mate. I have been fearful to ask and fearful to be
open to what God might give me. I'm opened now and I have also learned
that I can not deny the desire that He has placed in my being. So then
Lord I submit to Your plan and humbly ask for You, not me, to fill that desire
with the perfect whomever that You have for me. Please help me to stay
out of the way of Your will. I give myself to You for Your purpose.
Please prepare for me that mate, in Your honor and for Your glory.
So now an email from him in response to my question about
the Holy Spirit being feminine, but not.
My heart jumped and there was that fire again.
Oh Lord how can I do this?
I did not reply. I have a heart that is so hungry for
love that it grabs hold of any masculine attention. How can I control
this? Help me please Lord. I know my desires would so control me if I let
myself slip. I have not the strength to contain this. Help me
Lord. I realized that it was him not Him that my heart was connecting to,
yet it was You Lord that I was reaching out to also.
I need You with skin on Lord.
Journal if you must, but do not share. You are doing to him what you asked him not to do to
you.
Stop it! Practice self control. Pray! Let God
work!
Ok. What I desire is a man who really knows God and who is
strong enough to tell me no. strong enough to do what God desires and not
me. Humble enough to submit to God and to be broken before Him. I
desire a rock to my butterfly. I'm asking for what I believe I need,
I'm so angry with myself. I do not want to be deluded
any more.
WTF!!!!!
I can not believe it!
54 years of lack of self control and still counting.
Unbelieveable!
Is this how Peter and David felt?
Having much passion is a blessing and a curse!
Obviously I have NOT learned to be content in whatever the
Lord has me in.
Crybaby!
Grow UP!
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
I cannot help that I have been given so much passion.
But I cannot begin to know how to control it.
Yield it to the Lord? Allow Him to use that passion in
me? Yeah Right! How am I supposed to do that?
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