Sometimes
I think that compassion had died, that there is no heart left in me.
Some
things that life requires of me often seem to kill a bit of it and over time
there is little if any left.
Or
maybe it’s a steeling to cover and protect my heart from even more pain?
Times
like this, seeing such cruelty in people – for no reason – just makes me ache.
I
can’t even get angry just now.
There’s
a numbness and a callousness that overtakes me.
And
my heart paces back and forth like a caged animal uneasy and restless.
Yes
there’s an element of fear also, but it’s in the background.
And
I’m incredibly tired.
There’s
not enough time in a day to get rested properly.
And
all the demands of daily life continue on, marching marching marching....
As
if nothing had changed, no difference one day to the next.
But
life has taken on a different hue and there is now more grey.
This
is the thing that happens after a great victory.
An
attempt to steel joy.
But
joy remains. Along with faith, and love.
Especially love.
There
is a longing and a loss, but not an emptiness, not like before.
Sadness,
yes. And simple exhaustion.
Somehow
I long for a time when people got up with the sunrise and lay down when it
sets.
Simple
and focused.
Back
to survival mode.
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