02/08/11 oh my goodness this is huge... bigger than huge... trying to get my mind wrapped around it

My behavior has been based on what others think of me...  I have put my self worth, self view point, and who I am into the hands of others in order to be ok.

This is killing me.

I’ve been trying to see myself, but always from what I believe other’s viewpoint of me was.

Omg this is huge.

I’ve been putting the viwe of me from others in the place of God.

I’m trying to wrap my mind around this.

It’s so true.

This is from the book by geri scazzero “I quit”

Today on midday commection.

Wow and wow and wow

Brutal honesty

Reflection on one’s heart

Very few people know their own heart

What am I thinking and feeling, and what do I think and feel about what I’m thinking and feeling.

I must be intentional on what is going on inside of me.

Omb omb omb

Interior – internal life is so important.

You can only know God as well as you know yourself.

It’s proportionate. 

Psalm 51:6  He desires truth in the inmost part.

I don’t know where to begin.

http://www.emotionallyhealthy.org/about/pdfs/I_Quit.pdf

afraid of what others are going to think

afraid of what I am going to think of myself

be authentic

must have a safe place for honesty

often someone needs to teach a person how to have a safe place for honesty..  it needs to be created

how do I switch my viewpoint of myself from what others think of me to what God thinks of me?

how do I quit trying to be good enough in ‘their’ eyes and really believe what God says – that it does not matter – that I am not good enough, but that I get to have Jesus reputation instead of my own.

How do I do this?

She says, quit

Quit lying, blaming, faulty thinking, living someone elses life, quit compairing, quit looking in the mirror even, quit worrying and being afraid of what other’s think.

When we hug someone that we do not want to hug, it’s a lie

Saying ok when I do not mean it, is a lie

Acting like all is well when it’s not, is a lie

This is not talking about being cordial, it’s to those who are closest to us

I must be conscious of myself, be aware and practice being truthful and authentic.  Pay attention to my emotions and be truthful about it.

Admit to myself that I’m angry, or sad, or hurt, or whatever.

We are a whole person, we can’t separate ourselves parts from the other..  i.e. if we are emotionally immature we are spiritually immature.  We’re not separate.

I need skills on how to mature my emotions.

I need to know how to process emotions and how to deal with them..  how does God want me to process and deal with them.

Journal negative values  -  first step, what are the things I do not like.

We’re too afraid to admit to ourself or others.

i.e.  I don’t like crowded places. I don’t like saying no.  I don’t like_______

what I do not like is not necessarily bad or wrong.

I need to see what I am made to be and part of it is learning to understand what I am NOT.

Instead of being the person ‘I’m supposed to be’ I need to be the person I was created to be.

wow again wow

do not fear, means don’t feel the feeling, means acknowledge it, learn how to deal with it, walk with God in it and get past it.

In negative feelings we’re invited to be a part of Christ’s life.

2/3 of the psalms are about sorrow.

A lot of people are afraid to explore their feelings because they do not think that they will come out of them..

God is bigger than my feelings, emotions.  He is faithful and will not abandon me to them.

He will not leave me.

He will not leave me.

I can trust Him.

He does want me to go there.... with Him.....in order to get to the other side.

Quit overfunctioning = means quit doing for others what they can and should be doing for themselves.

We are not God,we are not the answer to everyone’s needs... this is NOT loving behaviour.

Examine my heart and see what I’m doing for others..  if I do for others and then I’m resentful, that’s it.

I’m not allowing other people to grow up..  I’m keeping them ‘needing’ me which makes me feel good, being needed, but then it also keeps them from growing and from really loving them.

There is resistance and fall out.  But.

What’s the alternative?  We’re often preventing God and His work in them.

What am I afraid of?  control issues, insecurity, neediness, self loathing, wanting to be wanted/needed/praised/attention.

Physical weight and emotional weight is what is being carried.

It errodes my spiritual life. 

What can we do with all that extra time and energy?

Might be that we can do what God wants us to do.

Quit living someone elses life.  (the one you think others expect of you)