I have a vivid memory which was the first time the thought
crystallized in my mind regarding the ‘alone’ness of the human condition.
It was a Star Trek episode [I know, God will use anything, huh!]
There was this alien that inhabited a human body in order to
communicate to the crew, and the immediate reaction that the alien had upon
habitation, was deep sorrow discomfort pain, and sadness – it was saying how
alone it was to be in a human body apart from a united species.
It sent my mind on a journey that has lasted years, I’ve ruminated
over it, mulled it over, and examined it critically from every aspect, usually
subconsciously.
Anyway it struck me as truth. We are alone inside our bodies,
unconnected in any real sense. The only way to connect to others is
through our senses physically, intellect, emotions.. all of which are woefully
We, alone, are inadequate to meet that deep desire to belong which resides
somewhere between our DNA and our unseen spirits.
Moving along in life is confusing for us because we do not realize
that everyone else shares in this. We not only feel alone within, but we
feel alone without, not ever able to acknowledge a shared experience most of
the time, because everyone wears a mask
Few own up to this.
Most are not even aware that it is what it is.
Seems that we are loath to admit this need, and so we hide, ignore,
bury, run away from, deny, mask, etc. etc. etc.
BUT GOD
What ever His criteria is, so far beyond me, what ever His purpose,
I do not know, and I’m sure I won’t this side of heaven.
However He is in the connection business.
He wants us to connect with Him AND with each other.
There are few chosen to connect.
And all I know is that I am hands down unworthy.
All I know is that without Him I am nothing, and that I must
connect = to Him and to others.
The central focus of life: TO CONNECT – TO KNOW, IS TO LOVE.
LOVE IS NOT WHAT WE THINK IT IS.
Marriage is the closest demonstration to this connection, a Holy
union.
And like tumblers in a lock, the pieces fall into place.
I do not doubt His love, but I will always doubt my worthiness.
The wonder of it beyond imagination, indescribable.
No feeling, sense, thought or dream can compare to the KNOWING that
I belong to Him
And the focus is not on my gratitude, but on His person, His being,
He is that He is.
HOLY HOLY HOLY IS THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY
ALL PRAISE TO HIM WHO IS AND WAS AND EVER SHALL BE
So in spite of the apparent self hatred, degradation, loathing, and
trashing, I am good.
There are times one must open the basement doors and peep in.
Scary as it is, it brings back the truth of it all.
I am nothing and He is everything.
It is Holy ground.
What He has done for me is too far for my ability to discern
appropriately.
But I know that I am His.
And I know He will never let me go.
Jeanne 
No comments:
Post a Comment