08/17/10 meaning....

Rabbit trails.

That’s what life really is.

We are spiritual beings temporarily living in a body, finite in this world of time and space.

Our existence here is – when you boil it down to the true essence – a rabbit trail.

Not that it is useless. 

On the contrary, it is not only useful, it’s necessary to the extent that our eternal existence depends on the paths that we choose.  The rabbit trails.

It is the journey of our life that defines who we are and where we are ultimately going.  It is a rabbit trail but it is also our great journey.

And in this great journey that we are on there are endless rabbit trails that we take along the way.

I often think of purpose.

I always have.

Since I can remember I’ve wondered why I am.

Why do I have such an insatiable yearning to be loved?

What is the purpose of my existence?

I’ve never been completely content to simply live life as it comes.

Nor have I had aspirations of greatness of any sort.

But this unsettled discontent has been a burr to prod me along and keep me from complacent apathy.

So the journey I’ve been on has been one of self discovery, of seeking to know truth, and of finding purpose. 

It has taken me down many rabbit trails, some of distraction, some great joys, others of sorrow and deep pain.

Fortunately, long ago I determined that the ‘me’ that is in here is not the ultimate destination nor the object for or source of real fulfillment.

I realized that there had to be something much bigger than myself.  At least I’d hoped there was.

Perhaps that began as a hope, knowing that it would be tragic if it were true that the self that I am is all there was. 

Life would then have simply been a futile exercise in an attempt to gratify an unquenchable appetite for gratification.

That’s not good enough.  I could not accept life on those terms, so seeking has been at the core of every motive in my life.

Looking for the truth has been my life’s challenge.  Hoping beyond hope that Truth was indeed also Love.

But seeking Truth led me to the open chasm within me that seemed too deep a gulf to bridge.

Yet it is that very depth of my need that then drew me to the heights of provision that is God.

Becoming aware of my need served to bring into focus the only fulfillment that could satisfy it.

So God.  The ultimate Truth.  The One and only Love that would be enough. 

The purpose, destination, reason, and fulfillment of life.

Unreachable in my own strength.

Unattainable from my position. 

Impossible to even touch. 

A sad mirror and reflection of my need, and my inadequacy.

Then Jesus. The Bridge. The Path. The only Provision.

That awareness became a journey first to find Him, then to embrace Him, then to follow Him, then to know Him, and then to become Him.

This of course spanning a lifetime of other rabbit trails and the many varied tangled paths which were taken along the way.

And the me that I was, no longer finds that I am alone, no longer unable to span that gulf, is now seeking only to die so that He can live.

And what of the rabbit trails?

Further along now and knowing the destination, and the purpose of it all, brings focus and understanding as I look back along those paths taken.

Clearly seeing the many rabbit trails I’d stumbled on along the way, as I survey the journey of the slow if steady moving towards that ultimate goal where home is, in His heart.

And all the distractions, large and small, darting here and there, are woven into the tapestry that my life has been.  It seems to be a beautiful portrait of Him that is forming but not yet complete. 

Funny how those things that seemed so worthwhile and important have now faded and become some shadows on His face.  And the depth and form of His likeness made from heartache and lost dreams are shown in brilliant shapes.  These define and crystallize this image of Him in me, as the vast grace and mercy given, for what was once thought wasted time and tragedy give living color to this face of love.  And I look with new eyes to those things that were such pain.  So my life reveals a beauty there now and the potential for more definition taking place.  Thus I see the master craftsman has been at work in my life of rabbit trails all along, leading me guiding me, oft carrying me to etch into my being His very heart and image.

Eventually Love will be all that is left.  Now seeking only to be that portrait while here that wanders along these sometime familiar trails to be formed into His image.

This tapestry not complete – still to be woven and reworked so as to become what I was made for.  Transforming me, to become the Love I’ve sought.