My sister, my friend.
I’m under conviction today for my
words yesterday, or lack of words.
Now I’m sending this to you with a
prayer that you hear my heart. Because I love you. And I love
Him.
And when I stand before Him I want
to be able to say, “yes Lord, I loved my sister enough to tell her what You
would have said to her, and I loved her as You love her.”
I did not stand up for His Word as
it is written when we were talking last nite, and I brushed off what you said
about us being sexual beings.
So I find myself in a position of
having to choose to tell you what God has to say about that, or choose to be
held accountable to Him for not saying what He has clearly laid out in His
Word.
Though this may hurt you, Proverbs
27:6 says that the wounds of a friend can be trusted.... – and so I trust that
God will open your heart to what may be a wound to you from me.
I know you love me and I know you
love Him so I am going to be obedient to say that no we are not sexual
beings. We are spiritual beings that have been given the gift of the
sexual experience which is only to be experienced in the union of
marriage. This according to the Word.
You know my past, I cannot begin to
count the men I’ve been with. It is something I’m not proud of at
all. I used and abused them and myself for a long time. So you know
that I am not pointing fingers at you because I’m far from being any
better. Far far from it. I’m a miserable representative for
Christ. I’ve done many many shameful things which I’ve repented for and
I’ve been forgiven. This forgiveness is all I know now, but my life
experiences have become Kingdom equity, in that I’ve given it all to Him and He
can use my life, any and every part of it, for whatever He wants.
I do not want to lay condemnation on
you my beloved sister. I want to give you the freedom of the forgiveness
and the understanding of why and how this is His will.
So it is not simply my promise to
Him that this is coming from. It is His Word that is the standard, not
experience, not culturally accepted norms, not personal convictions even.
When all else fails (and it does) we have in the end the rule book, the book of
love, the map for life, to get our direction and instruction. And also
this comes from knowing that even without the biblical instruction (from a lot
of different scriptures) that He made us with psychological and physical
neurochemical responses that He created to occur in our brains that are
intended to be with only one person, our mate.
There are massive neurochemical
changes in a woman when we have sex. There is more than simple pleasure,
it’s a bonding that occurs in the brain when it is washed with the endorphins
and oxytocin that is released during orgasm. That bonding was meant to be
experienced only with our mate and for a lifetime. It is part of what
binds the two together to become one flesh. The brain chemistry holds on
to these bonds and associates them with the one person that we are having sex
with. Consequently each time there is a different partner, that
neurochemical bonding does not work as well as with the original one. The
receptors assigned to the one are not able to associate to the next. In
other words the bonding experience is diminished with every partner. The
more different partners one has, the less bonding occurs and there is a loss of
those neuroreceptors to be effective in their job of bonding. Eventually
a woman loses her ability to bond with anyone. This is why women who have
experienced this end up never being able to be fulfilled emotionally and
psychologically. They go from one person to another looking for that
original bonding experience and can not find it. And it ends up something
like swiss cheese, holes in the parts of the brain that should be having the
experience but cannot because they have been given away to someone else.
This had been my life.
I’d been the swiss cheese and was just like the woman at the well. Does
that make sense?
Obviously you know the whole issues
of sexual disease that comes from multiple partners, so no need to go there,
other than to say that in my case He has, by His grace, saved me from reaping
what I have sewn. It is no small miracle for me to even be alive, have
healthy children, and be healthy myself. I cannot begin to tell you how –
knowing this is forgiven and even the physical repercussions having been washed
away – I feel about His grace on my life. What was reckless destructive
self indulgent and rebellious behavior in my youth, should have caused my
death, and I should never have been able to have children. What love is
this, that He has given me so much? Unbelievable. Do I have
scars? Absolutely. Is it painful still? Yes sometimes very
much so. You know the price I paid by hating myself for so long for all
of this. But this too is His grace in action. It was not removed as
was the physical – but it is part of what His plan for me is, to be used for
His glory.
Therefore precious sister I must say
that no, sexual behavior outside of marriage is unequivocally wrong. It
is a sin according to God’s Word.
It is forgivable for sure. But
it does have consequences even if they are unseen. No one can expect to have
Him step in and over-ride the laws of nature, reaping and sewing, that He put
into place for us. Again – this has been the miracle of my life, which is
and will be used for His glory. It is not because I am special, it is
because He desires to use this part of my life for situations just like this.
His love for us set these
parameters, not to withhold pleasure from us, but to give us the most pleasure
possible in it. And for His purpose of demonstrating His love for us.
Just as the bonding of a man and woman
in marriage is the picture of Christ and the church as husband and wife, sex
outside of marriage for a believer is a picture of the harlot turning away from
Him. Purity is not about us, our wants, needs, or desires. It is about
demonstrating to the hurting world who Christ is and what he has done to give
them (and us) the best possible life. If we live no different than the
world then we are not living as He calls us to live, and the message to them is
that Christ died for no reason. It dilutes Him and diminishes Him and
tells them that we really do not believe Him. It is a slap in His face.
The good news still is that He never
never leaves us without a way of escape. He never leaves us without the
strength to choose the right path. He never allows us temptation that is
unbearable. This I know for sure. This I’m also walking in.
Temptations are all around me every day but if I keep my heart His I don’t need
to fret over where I’m going. I know I’m safe with Him. And when I
slip and fall or ignore the road signs and His gentle leading (and I will, and
I do) I know that there is still forgiveness. Because I belong to
Him. He will never beat us up over our sin. He gently calls us to
come home and live safely within the parameters of His laws that are here to
keep us and protect us.
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