12/29/09 who else can i send this to but you? i am empty and alone and so tired

Ecclesiastes 3:10-15

¹⁰ I have seen the burden God has laid on men. ¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. ¹² I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. ¹³ That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. ¹⁴ I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.

¹⁵ Whatever is has already been,
       and what will be has been before;
       and God will call the past to account.

God has set eternity in the hearts of men yet they cannot fathom what God has done....

Yes He is vastly beyond comprehension.

And our kicking is of no use

Weary or no we continue on because we are His and not our own.

The desire for Him will actually never be fully quenched here on earth.

And that uneasy unrest will remain until we go home.

I envy those who have gone before.

I am tired of the chore of life.

Purpose iludes me in my grief and without it I am useless and hopeless.

Yet there is drawing and there is the fear of the Lord as strong as ever in my soul.

I dare not speak of my heart which at the moment is heavy and lifeless as a stone.

But connected I am, to Him in ways that surpass my heart.  Thankfully

But I am angry for the situation and I am so utterly exhausted with life.

Yes I need purpose else I die.

I wither up to a dust and blow away with the winds

God is God and I am but dust

Dust with His life breathed into me

Yet I have no joy

And I have little left to give.

So go I through the motions of life

Strangled in my own twisted mental ropes

And hung up to dry

There is life but it is a nothing

And I look at these around me and wonder what it is all for

And Solomon tells me that all is futile save the seeking of my Maker

Selah

The dog wet the bed at 4am.

Yeah, that just about sums it up.