I think maybe my
husband’s name is David.
When I was 23 or 24 or so
I wrote a song to him.
And it is called a song
to David.
I’ve often wondered if it
was prophetic.
Somewhere in the back of
my mind it sits there waiting and watching.
Anyway I feel very
different now. I have divorced myself from my mom emotionally. I’m
not angry any more at her. I also have no expectations of her
either. She is no longer my mom. She is someone I must take care
of, like a patient. I can do that, without expectations, with compassion
and care, but also without being hurt by her any more. I hope I can
maintain this perspective and count my mother as dead. This woman who is
in my life is only someone who gave birth to me. There is no other
link. That sounds sad, but it is not. It is the beginning of the
time in my life that I will no longer have to grieve over having missed out and
hoping for the mother that I never had. I can move on now because I know
that I will never have her.
The beginning of my life
that is not based on the lost desires, but on the coming opportunities and
joys.
It’s coming to the point
that I can focus on God again. The time out for my ‘ending of my core
family beginning of their separate family’ kids situation is almost up. I
can feel a lighening of my spirit now, and I’m releasing myself back to
Him.
Now I need a nap.
I’m tired.
But I’m ok.
And I’m going to be ok.
And I am not to the end
of the Exodus yet, but I have a map now.
And I know who is
leading.
From today’s Finishers
Project email. Hmmmmmmm
When It Goes From Bad To Worse
"I was pretty sure I understood what God was asking me to do. I was
obedient. I took the next steps...but now I'm wondering if I got it all
wrong. Instead of things going right they seem to be getting worse!"
Sound familiar? We think we understand what God is asking of us, but the
further we go down that road the bumpier it gets. We start to wonder..to
question...to doubt...and maybe even conclude we missed it. The clearness
of the initial message gets cloudy and somehow lost in the realities of
life...some of them quite difficult.
There is a principle found in chapter 5 of Exodus that might help our
perspective. Moses heard correctly. He knew what he was supposed to
do, and he did it. At first things went well...the Israelite leaders
listened and believed. So far so good! With that affirmation
energizing him, he was off to the next victory... presenting his
request to Pharaoh and watching God grant his request.
Didn't happen. In fact things got ugly rather quickly. Pharaoh
didn't just refuse; he actually decided to punish them for even
asking. It definitely went from bad to worse! So Moses came back to
God with a series of questions and doubts. "You made a promise
God...what happened?"
You may have been there...or might be there right now. You thought you
heard correctly, you obeyed the best you knew...but the seeming promise has not
been fulfilled. What happened?
One of the things that happened is the principle we can draw out of Exodus 5
and 6. We can call it the principle of fulfillment and judgment. It
seems that quite often God is working out a carefully balanced plan involving
both fulfillment...the promises He has made for the good of His people, and
judgment...the promises He has made for those who disobey.
Moses, Aaron and the Israelite leaders were totally focused on the promise God
had made to them. When that was not the immediate outcome, they began to
question. But God had another side to the whole scenario. He was
also bringing judgment on those who had exploited his people. Early on in
the process, the Egyptians saw things as going well for them, and Israel saw
just the opposite. But the process was not done. God was balancing
the promise of victory for Israel and the promise of judgment for Egypt.
As it turns out, we don't usually know all the players in our scenarios with
God. We don't know whom He is intending to bless with His promises of
victory and whom He may be judging because of their disobedience. So when
we see things only from our personal perspective, we can easily conclude that
we didn't hear God correctly or that He just isn't that interested in our
situation. But there is always a larger perspective...the other side, so
to speak...what God is orchestrating in the larger scheme of things for the
proper fulfillment of His promises of direction for us, and what He is
orchestrating to bring His judgment where necessary.
Take heart! God's perspective is from a little higher vantage point than
ours. He can see the whole picture at once, so trusting His timing is
probably more productive than relying on our own!
Boomers Finding Fulfillment
(The
Finishers Message - from a different source)
Studies have shown that money (beyond the amount required for basic needs)
doesn't lead to personal fulfillment to the degree that feeling connected with
other people might, says Michael Inzlicht, assistant professor of psychology at
the University of Toronto.
"Buying a new outfit might lead to a temporary uptick in well-being, like
a child with a new toy. But research shows that (associations with) other
people lead to happiness," Inzlicht says, noting the robust effect
volunteerism and helping others can have on self-worth.
He also says pursuing a calling -- such as painting or singing -- is another
way that's been shown to enhance people's well-being and sense of control over
their lives. But, he says, it's important the "passion" be legitimate
or the experience could be disillusioning. "It's important it comes
from within you, and it's not something you think you ought to do or society
tells you that you should," Inzlicht says.
Determining the lifestyle that's best for you means getting back in touch with
your values, the core of you, says Claire Chadwick, a Montreal life coach and
founder of Inspiring Futures Coaching. She suggests doing some quiet
soul-searching, whether alone or with another person, to help generate ideas
and energy. "Think about: What is important to me in life? What do I
want to do with decades still ahead of me? Where am I going to find meaning in
life?"
I think I have lots of
life left to live and I think I’m going to do it. I’m ready... I think..?
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