Jan 25, 2012

So I’m listening to some beautiful music and my mind wanders. (imagine that)
Funny how we worship love. (I know I do, along with a whole lot of others)
I think that we have this in us and we don’t even know that we’re doing it.

Love songs, great love – the kind that has someone sacrificing their own life for another, willing to give up everything to be with the one you love, like in City of Angels.
Giving up eternity to be with her only to lose her anyway. The ultimate love tragedy. And he said it was worth it.
Hollywood. Are they the ones that initiate this ideal or are they simply reflecting the general consensus?
Because that's the lie.
That's the false hope all of us romantics have always clung to.
The idea that we simply had to find that one person who would be our everything and it would all be better. The ache would be gone. We’d have happily ever after.
And when it does not happen (as it never will) we conclude that we have just not found the right person.
In the beginning, Adam chose Eve (actually, the best thing in creation, the pattern all women would be cut from) - but she was not enough.
And when he chose her he put her into the bondage of an unreachable expectation to fulfill his need.
Yet she knew she could not fulfill it. She wanted to because she had the same need and so made it her goal to try and be his everything.
[just an aside here. I think this was the beginning of posing. Not believing we’re what we are meant to be so trying to be everything else]
Meanwhile both of them looking to each other for fulfillment and both of them knowing that as wonderful and perfect as their union was, it was not enough.
It was never meant to be. Their union was only to be played in concert with the ultimate union with God - and nothing else would ever work.
Yet for centuries now men and women have been doing the same thing.
(What is the definition of insanity again? Doing the same thing over and over and each time expecting different results?)
Seeking that ultimate intimacy and never finding it in another.
So then rebellion, for me....
I knew I could not be what was demanded of me, though I loved being pursued and loved, it made me angry and I rebelled.
I mean – Don’t put that on me!!! I’ll never measure up to that no matter what. It made me honestly hate men for a time, until my heart screamed so loud I could not ignore it any longer.

I’m sure the struggle for men is much the same.
Not able to be what they know they are expected and wanted to be, yet wanting so much to be her everything.
No wonder they get angry, become distracted, or just check out.

The greatest tragic love stories are all about this impossible fantasy.
The noble perfect man in search of the beautiful perfect woman to make her his queen.
The beautiful perfect woman pining away for her knight.
Part of us knows that this is what love is. Part of us believes that it could be possible.
But most of us know it isn’t possible between any two members of the human race of imperfect people.
Yet we desire it so greatly, that we still search, the simple, brave, or foolhardy among us do, anyway.
But most settle for far less and go on to live a life of heart medication of one sort or another to numb the pain of the reality that life is nowhere near our dream.
We give up. Hope is lost and life becomes a series of heart numbing affairs with whatever distraction we can find to hide us from our lovelessness.
It does not work doing this either.