Long road home

I look at the road ahead and I cannot see the end.

But neither can I see the beginning any longer - no way back - so it must be onward.

It has to be onward.

Through the pain which - right now seems impossible to get through.

I am a coward.

I do not want to go on.

I want rest and deep down I know that on this side there is no rest.

And my heart is weary and it longs for home.

All I can do is breathe and go through my day one at a time minute by minute and deal with what comes up next.

I have absolutely no control over anything in spite of all my plans and crafting.

And the most terrifying thing is that I cannot see where I'm going, not one step ahead of me.

I go blindly into the future towards what my heart has told me is good and worthwhile.

So now all I can do is trust my heart.

All I can do is hope that the connection is sure and true and solid with the only hope there is for love.

For, love is the ultimate goal, the prize that makes everything worthwhile.

I have placed all my chips on this one bet, that Jesus is who he is and that he is true.