04/29-12 FB conversation

Love - not just romantic love, but real love, from the heart, from the soul, with everything one is and ever will be; love like that is all that matters. how we live from our hearts, the love we have and show - it defines us. it is everything.
 

Tracy  

this is beautiful...you?

Jeanne  

yeah.  J

Tracy  

you are as fascinating as love....hehe ;)

Jeanne  

well. I am a woman. that makes me fascinating.. we women are, ya know. that part of God that was given to us to display Him... it's pretty awesome. we show His mystery and allure. a reflection of Him

not to make us out to be - all that... but to show His glory. it's humbling to be given that responsibility. we were all made in His image. a hard thing to live up to. which is why we must live from our hearts, where we connect with Him. it's the only way.

Tracy

yeah....

I can’t add......hehehehe

perfectly designed...in connection w/Him!

I love what you said the other night about how you can be exactly "what" you are no matter the circumstances....bc its design....

all of the opposition in the world doesn’t change....design...

in connection w/that great big beautiful force...up there....& I said I had nothing to add...hehehehehehe

Jeanne 

hehehe oh girl! you have a WHOLE LOT to add!!! you're only just beginning to see it. open the eyes of their hearts Lord!

women come in all shapes and sizes. but the essence is still the same, it's from God and it's wonderful. women give life and extend His grace with their full hearts. women draw and give and create; all parts of Him. that's the mystery. we are made by God to reflect God, to draw to God, and together with God to give life.

Tracy

oh my love...my eyes are opening....for sure...lol...I’m so thankful for you in my life...you have helped me in so many ways..& I want to get to a place where I can help other women to realize their purpose in this big beautiful world.....when we are in communication w/God we operate in design & stop "playing life" Satan keeps us distracted w/our great appeal & desirable nature....it’s not even scratching the surface of a true woman....

Jeanne

that's it! you're right. we are only living a small and diluted and sometimes perverted version of who we are designed to be. it's time that we all live as we were created. from our hearts as a true reflection of Him. I'm on my way dear love, and so are you my most beautiful friend.

sometimes I think it will take too long to undo all the damage I’ve done to myself - to get there. but my heart tells me that what is true will be reality and it does not matter what has been in the past. lessons learned and love gathered into my heart from them will spill out to show beauty that is beyond what appearance dictates. to walk and live from a heart of love transforms from the inside out and it really does not matter how long it takes for the outside to catch up with the heart. love conquers all. it is pure and beautiful and it makes everything new in its time. He is love. He lives in me. I am what He made me to be and will hold on to Him regardless of any circumstances that arise. this is the love that defines me. His heart living as mine.

Tracy

 yes yes....love is divine..& trust me...all of your heartaches & losses in your life are valuable to me...bc I love & adore ALL of you....ALL OF YOU....it’s all a part of what makes you who you are....& I adore you....my aunt used to sit on my mom’s couch (I was only a small girl) but I remember it well...she would consistently ask every time she was at our house...for my mom to come sit on the couch & tell her everything about my uncle growing up...she never got tired of the same stories....I think she felt she was w/him & a part of his life even through stories....lol....& I think love works that way....God is actually there w/us...through good and bad....& he soaks us in...that what I feel.....that love....& your experiences (good or bad) have spoken over my life...you would not be the beautiful WOMAN..what a word...that you are had you not gone thru those moments...I am becoming the beautiful woman I am intended to be as well.......isn’t that what you said...;)

you have been there for me during those ugly moments...moments that hurt me....they are ugly & you remind me that it’s never the circumstance....that define us....we through the Holy Spirit become & unfold into the women God intends.....

that the beauty of WOMAN...she’s been through things...she knows how to LOVE!....she isn’t a foolish girl...needing affirmation that she’s pretty......women are glorious..deep beauty...& it isn’t based on never having gone through ugly moments......quite the contrary.....lol...

 I can’t stop.....hahahahahahahahhaha

the bride of Christ is made up incredible women...."princess warriors"...if you will...like our pal Cheryl ..lol...wimpy girls need not apply....don’t mess w/us either...heheheheheheh

ok.......that it......my sermon is complete....hehehehe.....maybe...

Jeanne

I love you

love is the life we give to one another

Tracy

yeah...

like Jesus had something figured out huh....hehehehe

04/27/12 Freedom

Freedom – it’s a funny thing. 

We all claim that we want it and we work hard to get it, but when we have it we almost always, almost immediately, give it away.

Freedom is a spiritual word.

It evokes awe in one’s spirit, and desire, and yearning for something intangible and nearly unexplainable.  I’m thinking of the scene in Brave Heart where William Wallace bellows “FREEDOM” and our hearts swell with longing and agreement and we all have a sense of some higher purpose more Nobel than the daily life we all live.  We all want that.  We all feel as though it is supposed to be.  We all cheer for those who pursue it and fight for it.

I think however that most of us are resigned to live life as it is.  We see it honestly as lacking freedom – most of us.  We feel stuck and in a rut and as though someone else was in control.   We do not have a sense of adventure, or Nobility, or higher purpose in our lives at all.  We simply exist.  I think that most of us are simply going through the motions of life and have no direction or outlet for our desires.  So we squelch them.  We bury them in a vault in our hearts never to be opened because somehow we know that they can never be realized.  We have settled.  We have turned our backs on freedom because we do not believe we have control of our circumstances.

Freedom from responsibility is slavery.

For instance, I choose to eat much more than my body requires for nourishment to function.  I also choose to spend only what money is required to sustain the lifestyle I have.  And on occasion I indulge in some little extra fancy.   But these are choices I make.  I am not held at gunpoint at any juncture to require my choices to be made against my own will.  The decisions I make are based on my own level of comfort with how I am going to be perceived, balanced with physical comfort and desires.  I must work in order to have money to have food and clothing and housing.  I don’t like work but I choose to do it for what I want it to give me. 

Freedom from anything can be something far less than glorious.  It can be dangerous.  Everything has a price.

I chose to indulge in excess food and the price I’ve paid is slavery to it.  My mouth thinks it can have anything it wants.  I’ve been a slave to my desire for food.   If I choose to walk away from my responsibility – work, paying bills, functioning within the rules – I end up eventually with nothing – which puts me in slavery of a different kind.  If I choose indulgence I will pay the price, one way or another.

Freedom does not equal to control.

You see – in truth – in the end – everyone does what they want.  Oh sure we have constraints on us and the framework of our lives that we must work within.  But in the end we all do exactly as we choose.  We all – most certainly – have freedom.

Freedom is a gift and a responsibility.

When I think of the freedom that God gave me:  Freedom of choice, to choose Him or not to choose Him; I am amazed at His ability to risk.   And I am also astonished that He has not annihilated us for the choices that we’ve made because of it.

This is what He is saying to us:

Here is my heart.  You can choose to accept it and give your heart to me in return.  Or you can choose to reject it and murder my love because you do not trust it.  But even if you do that I will still pursue you with an everlasting love that will never give up on you.  I will love you till the end of the earth and beyond.  I will follow you even into Hell itself to get you back if I must.  I will lay down my life for you.  I will do whatever it takes for you to be Mine again.     

I have given you freedom.  It has come back to bite me, as I knew it would.  But it was worth the risk.  Because when you choose to love me freely then I truly have your heart.  And that is worth everything.

04/19/12 Just musing here.

You know

One could sum it all up in this phrase:  life is a bitch and then you die

I’ve heard it before

Can’t remember where, but it’s true, at least I think so…

And yet…

It’s not all there is

Question:  is partial truth, still truth?

If one has only half of the equation to go on, can they still come to the right answer?

I mean, that statement is true.  Life is a bitch, and then you die.

But there is so much more that goes in between, and dyeing is not the end.

And even if it were – the living that comes beforehand is worth so much more than just a comma.

Ya know?

Another thought:  is it an equation?  Is there a balance to things?

For every sorrow is there joy?

For every pain is there bliss?

For every lack is there bounty?

I don’t know, 

but i suspect so.

And one more thing:

Is it better to do right - for the wrong reasons?

or

Is it better do to wrong - for the right reasons?

Just musing here.

04/19/2012 love lost matters

Sorrow comes in waves

As I recall precious memories that I’m unwilling to abandon

Too close to my heart to let go of

So painful to picture because of the beauty of those moments

I don’t want to let them go

I don’t want to lose the importance of their impact on my heart

I don’t want them to fade into nothingness

They mattered

The love I received mattered

It helped to give my heart substance to build on

Love showed me the way

Knowing that there is no more, even if just temporarily

Does not ease the pain of this loss

It gives me hope for a future

But my heart still aches

And that ache honors the love given to me

It acknowledges that something important and worthwhile and precious was lost

Somehow allowing myself to feel this pain makes it better

Because – to ignore it or not to allow it, would be a disservice to that love

Pain shows how much that love was worth

It is the counterpart to the joy of having them in my life

They mattered in a significant way

Love matters

Love lost also matters

Grieving is good.

04-05-12 Love wins.

Death.
seems like it's final
seems like it wins
sadness of loss is so very hard

Love
it lasts forever
though it may fade in memory
the heart never forgets
it is the victory over death

Jesus
purchased that victory with his own life
and he gave us back what should never have been taken from us
he gave us eternity
he gave us a future
he gave us back the ability to love forever

death does not win
love does
parting from this life is only temporary
there is always a future with love
sadness can not be the end.

3 years ago today my daddy went to heaven
3 months later my little puppy Gracie
yesterday my little puppies Bu and Ed
one day when my job here is finished we'll be together again
death has no victory here,
love wins.
but for a little while there is grief.....

Ecclesiastes 3

 There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 a time to be born and a time to die,
 a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 a time to kill and a time to heal,
 a time to tear down and a time to build,
 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
 a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
 a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 a time to search and a time to give up,
 a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 a time to tear and a time to mend,
 a time to be silent and a time to speak,
 a time to love and a time to hate,
 a time for war and a time for peace.

 What do workers gain from their toil?  I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race.  He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.  I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live.  That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.  I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

  Whatever is has already been,
   and what will be has been before;
   and God will call the past to account.

  And I saw something else under the sun:

   In the place of judgment—wickedness was there,
   in the place of justice—wickedness was there.

  I said to myself,

   “God will bring into judgment
   both the righteous and the wicked,
for there will be a time for every activity,
   a time to judge every deed.”

  I also said to myself, “As for humans, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals. Surely the fate of human beings is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath; humans have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless.  All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return.  Who knows if the human spirit rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?”
So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot. For who can bring them to see what will happen after them?

and then there is joy.........

Thank you Jesus for this priceless gift
that you loved us, loved me, enough to give your life instead of mine
and that I can be united with my loved ones again one day
thank you that there is a future
and thank you for holding my heart when it is in pain

death was never ever supposed to be the way that it is
and so death is supposed to hurt
it is supposed to remind us of that fact
remind us that we did not trust God's heart
and tried to do things on our own

Jesus came to prove that we can trust his heart
that it is and always has been and always will be
love
for us
and an overwhelming desire to be with us.
it is appropriate to contemplate this now
in this Easter season
tomorrow is 'Good Friday'
the anniversary of the day that death takes the life of love
he thought that he could win that war
he was wrong

death holds no victory here, or anywhere
because of Jesus, love wins.

Love wins!!!!!

04/03/2012 Doldrums

In June in southern California the weather is blah
not hot
not cold
not sunny
not clear
not anything good
just
blah
they call it the June doldrums

I know that feeling.
sometimes it feels just like blah
stuck
not going anywhere
not hot
not cold
just
blah
That's where I am right now.
That's where I've been for a while too.
I hate this place.
especially since I have such passion
I want excitement
or at least anger
something
anything,
almost anything.

I want to soar with the eagles in the clouds,
and sing with the meadow larks in the sunshine,
and swim with the dolphins in the sea,
and run like a gazelle in the African plains,
and climb the Rockies with the mountain goats and the moose and elk.....

ugh!
I hate it when I'm stuck waiting.
I don't want to grow in patience.
I want
I want
I want

Most of all I want to never ever ever ever lose the knowing connection that I have with Jesus.
or the feelings that comes from that: freedom, peace, confidence, assurance, belonging.
But there are days that feel as if the honeymoon is over and we've settled into an easy relationship of being simply together.  Normal, flat, regular life.
ewwwwww!!!
that almost sounds like cursing to me.

I've said before that God's fingerprint on my life is passion.
It's true.
I never go at anything half way unless I'm not interested and I just have to do it to get something else I need.
Even then I usually throw myself into it because that's the way I am.
good enough is simply not good enough.
and when I read God's story I see that those are the kinds of people that He goes after.
I think God loves it when people have passion.
in fact I know it.
He said he'll spit out the lukewarm.   (Revelations)
Yeah God!!!  You are happier with me if I'm running full bore at life even if it's in the wrong direction!
Me too!  I see your passion in everything you've created and it's extravagant exciting dangerous and wild!
It's simply awesome.

but....
I am antsy and restless...
So is this time of quiet - the doldrums - on purpose?
am I once again in transition?
and what on earth is the purpose of standing still?
or are my eyes simply not adjusted well enough to the spirit world - and I just cannot see the endless activities going on around me?

to hell with this waiting!
I want to go
I want to live from my heart
I want to live passionately in love with my bridegroom
I want to do everything at mock 10 with my hair on fire
I want to feel as though my heart will explode because I'm so loved
I want to love others so much that I physically ache for them
I want it to stop being so mundane and blah
I want life!!!!!


Jesus
come and play - will you?
come light the fire of passion in me and give me a jump start again
push me off the cliff of this soggy milk toast lifeless living in a rut normalcy
let's get on with it.
if it's war, then bring it
if it's love, fill me up
if it's work, let's go
if it's passion, light the fire
come and give me life!
give me what you promised
I want to be free with eyes wide open running to you with all I have and all I am.