delight

What I am learning is that my heart is full and I am as I should be, just the way I was made.  I am learning to love me!

God has placed men in my life that love their spouses in the way that I had only dreamed of in my heart.  So He is showing me that this is possible.  I am seeing that none of them are perfect but that all are perfect for the mate they have been given and that His hand put them together.  

Just like He gave Eve to Adam and instead of searching for that mate I am waiting on Him to give me as a gift to the man He wants for me.  Some people do not think this is possible or that God has someone in mind for me to be a mate for.  But I have messed up too many times in choosing who I thought was 'right' for me.  And seeing the blessings of waiting for His choice in these lives I know that I am right to wait on Him.  

In the mean time, yes I get lots of good 'man hugs' from my son-in-law, my BFF's husband, etc.  and although it stings (to not have my own strong armed man to hug me) it is also comforting to feel that strength from them and know that I am loved. 

I don't know if or when this will happen but I am satisfied that my Abba Father loves me and wants the best for me.  He shows me all the time, and that is enough.  While I wait I also am not sitting here JUST waiting.  I am about being the best 'me' that I can be, but mostly I am loving those who are in my life with all I have to love them with.  

It is exciting to know that I'm who I am supposed to be and where I'm supposed to be right now and that I have who I'm supposed to have in my life right now.  This is my contentment.  

And I dance around my Father's throne, in free abandon like a little girl twirling and posing and jumping with glee.  I see His smile and feel His warm love as He watches my delight in Him.  It is so wonderful to know love without boundaries and the freedom my heart has found in Him. 

another day

Woke up today, another regular Tuesday had my coffee and got ready for work.  Checked my FB and replied to some messages.  Seems life is hard for lots of folks.  I try to encourage them hoping my words are not hollow or distant.  I am one person here living and loving the best way I know how.  Going down my driveway in the dark I see a deer crossing the grass at the end near the road.  It’s foggy this morning, not too bad but the moon and stars that were so clear and beautiful yesterday are obscured by the mist and clouds of haze moving past.  It’s strange to get up in the dark to go to work but ipso facto, it is what it is.  I’m a work-a-day gal still looking forward to a day when I can say I’m retired and do ? idk what will come next.  This presents a restlessness in my soul.  I believe one must have dreams and goals and something to look forward to, but somehow retirement with the ‘nothingness’ it appears to hold does not appeal to me right now.  I had thought to do mission work, but if I do not lose a lot of weight then that is out of the question, not to mention the financial obligations.  What part of the ‘golden years’ is golden if I can’t afford to do anything but sit and wait to die?  That does not sound like fun to me at all.  Yet I’m weary of getting up in the dark and spending my days pretending to try and accomplish the company goals as set forth in their rule book.  Call me a rebel, but I doubt that the mission is to make others happy.  Sure it sounds good and looks great on paper, but we’re all here to make money so that we can live our lives.  Part of me hates that game.  But I must comply.  Life is an endless series of compromises.  I’d have loved to sleep until the sun came up today.  My puppy is hurt and she wants me to sit still so that I can comfort her.  It’s stormy out and they don’t like to be alone, my dogs. 

I’m in pursuit of God and what He has for me.  Part of that pursuit is to be who he made me to be.  I believe that it gives him the most pleasure to see me be all that he dreamed of when he created me.   And even though it seems that examining myself is a bit egotistic I think I must.  If I am not true to myself then what?  If I can’t discover the best me and share what has been given me then what?  What good am I here?  So morning after dark morning I rise, have my coffee in the quiet of my home, take care of my dogs and drive to work alone.  I share my heart on the World Wide Web for whosoever will read my offerings.  I call to comfort and show my love to those in my world in need, give what I have when I can, and wait. 

Some would ask, is this all there is?  And I have asked that myself – but that was before my heart opened to the limitlessness of God’s love.  I’m inclined to ask now if this is all I can give.  It seems that my circle is too small and concentrated.  But you’d have to ask them about that.  If words were weighed in gold and heartfelt communication worthy of treasure I am deeply blessed with a fortune.  My hope is that it matters.  That lives are impacted and other hearts too can be opened to the limitless love of God.

Look the sun is rising and another dawn appears. 

God is in His heaven painting for me again.

Another masterpiece of color and radiance

Showing His glory for all who would, to see.

Lift up your eyes to the hills where redemption comes.

He is awesome in His power and wondrous in creation.

For all that He has done speaks of His beauty.

Drawing whosoever will to come.

Joy comes in the morning and love endures forever.


.....and there are days of thunderous passion, and there are days of calm breezes, and there are days where there is no air that moves, no sound made, no whisper of hope from anywhere but within my own secure heart.  That's where God's voice resides...and it is good.

baby news

I just got a call from my son-in-law.

My daughter is not speaking to me for a week...  because she's afraid she will give it away. hahaha

You see they found out the sex of the baby just now.

They have plans to have us all over on Sunday to reveal via pink or blue filling in a cake what the baby is.

I'm so excited!!!

They said that they got a DVD with the ultrasound results and will play it for us.

The baby is getting bigger and bigger, skull feet hands all formed and look so healthy.

Everything is wonderful.
I'm crying as I write this.

Thank you Jesus for this precious gift of life and love.

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you

This is a MUST repost from a friends blog:

Letters

If my wife Sandy were to write me an intimate love letter, that bared her heart to me, and touched me deeply, I would cherish it, probably save it for ever.

But…

If I held onto and had a relationship with that letter above her…

If I only used that letter to understand her…

If I only used that letter to hold her to her word…

If I only used that letter to describe her to other people…

I would be missing out on the fullness of Sandy. Cause she lives right now, here with me, I can talk to her every moment of my waking life.

I have a relationship with her…

I eat with her…

I sleep with her…

I make love with her…

My heart aches that most Christians live with a “death” grip on the bible, completely missing out on the fullness of God, and an intimate relationship with Him…

Here and now…Every moment of their life.

I used to be there.

I have come to understand that He lives right now, here, with me, I don’t have to rely on a letter, I can talk to Him every moment of my waking life.

I have a relationship with Him…

I eat with Him…

I sleep with Him…

I make love with Him…

by

http://www.roccocapra.com/blog/2011/06/letters/

Out of the Desert – Into the Garden

I could not have said it better

Freedom

A friend wrote on his blog:

"I suspect that what really has me bugged right now is that the direction freedom follows aims toward love. Talk about unknown territory... maybe it's time to panic again."

... and I'm wondering if that's more universal than any of us would believe.  I mean, to be seen, really seen for who we are, and loved, really loved.  Yeah, that's kind of terrifying isn't it?  I so get the need for panic.

Yet that's just what our Father offers, desires, seeks after.  Intimacy is so very risky.  All of the 'what if's' come bubbling to the surface along with the arrow lies of inadequacy and imperfection.  

Who is to say that it is better to open one's self up versus staying in the safety of the cave we've all hidden in?  Oh you may have a different name for it, or no name at all, but we've all hidden our true selves.  Don't you long to get out like me?  

Freedom 

That's a word that evokes a deep breathing peace in me.  It feels like a home I've never known but long for. And then deeper is an uneasiness that is reminiscent of those dreams of standing in public buck naked....  

Yet I cannot shake the desire that has been awakened.  I've had a taste of it and I cannot live without it any more.

Freedom 

It means to me, something more than democratic social 'ism's' and laws pro or con.  It means that the doors are open giving me access to quench longing.  It means the barriers are taken down that have kept me from realizing who I am and what I am here for.  It means that I have the potential to be real and honest and open and accepted for who God made me to be.  It means no more lies, to myself or others.  It means love.

Like my friend said above, freedom aims toward love.  Toward God. hmmm how many names is He?

This yearning and longing that He has drawn out of the depth of my being has ignited the passion to allow me to dare seek it.  The door has been opened and all I can do - albeit timidly perhaps - is step through.

There is no turning back.

What lies behind is darkness and prison and fear and pain.

What lies ahead may well hold pain, may needs pass through more darkness, out of another prison, and hopefully will bring some courage to face these without fear.  It absolutely offers companionship which in itself is another freedom.  But it also divides.  I am not the same and it seems that I am traveling down a road that leaves others dear to me behind.  Yet I cannot turn back.

Freedom, I worship You.  Love is your name. Jesus is your face and hands.